So much for the deep thinking. Seems I have come across as whiney and bitter. Not true, but there you go. You think that you have created something that would allow the reader to bring up ways that would be helpful not only to you, but cathartic for the reader, also. Instead, you get told to basically get over it, that if you were any sort of person, you would be able to do something about it. Yeah, as though it's that simple,
Another friend asked me why I was sad. I honestly wasn't when I wrote the previous post, but after the conversations I had, and the good cry during and afterward, I replied to her thusly:
"It's nothing, really. I am tired--so tired of everything. I am also incredibly stupid sometimes, even though I know better. It's too hard to explain this way. I love my job, but I don't want to do it right now. I want to quit and concentrate on the rest of this semester and my last semseter at school. But I can't. I want to find someone--a helpmeet--someone who I can depend on to take some of the pressure of the hard stuff off of me. I am tired of being everything to everybody except what I want to be, without someone there to be everything to me. I have lots of friends, but I am lonely. Meeting new people is hard; those that I would like to be with I am nervous around, and while I can usually pony up and do it, I come across as too much of something--negative, maybe?--when I am not.
"I am pretty sure it's just all the stress from the end of the semester and work.
"I wish I could afford to just run away. I wish I could win the lottery--not because I want a lot of money or be lazy, I just want to have enough to do research if I want, to go out to more than a movie four times a year, to go see things that I have always wanted to see without having other people's responsibilities foisted upon me.
"Like I said--difficult to explain. And I know it's not much compared to what you have been through, but it's like I have lost a part of myself that I don't know how to get back."
I don't want to seem as though I am ungrateful for all my friends. I don't want to appear as though I don't appreciate all the things that others have done for me. But being appreciated is something I would like, too. But again, that's my fault, too--right?
I have made some horrible, terrible mistakes in my life that I have had to overcome. I have lived through things that some people have nightmares about. I have stayed strong through the roughest times that nearly ended my sanity as well as my life and that of my child. Forgive me if I am a little "whiney" or bitter or sad every so often. Forgive me if I want to get away from the things that remind me of what I might possibly never have, or had that I let go. Forgive me if I get tired of looking beyond the facade--when I have to do that every second of the day and no one looks closely enough at me to see beyond mine. Forgive me for not wanting to be the doormat anymore. And forgive me for not knowing how to keep from being one.
22 November 2008
21 November 2008
Drowning in the Abyss of My Own Creation
It has been quite a while since I last wrote anything that did not have to do with school. A couple of months now. And I don't know that I really have the stamina or the will to write anything too long. I have very long papers due in a couple of weeks, and I have yet to get started on either of them. The thing is, I don't really care too much. I like the professors I have, and I like a few of the books I have "read" for the classes, but I can't bring myself to like either America During the World Wars or Eighteenth Century Europe. I mean, if it were studies of the Great Depression, the social histories during the world wars, or anything about Europe other than the Enlightenment and its effect, I would probably be fine. But I just don't care! I love Twentieth Century Europe and everything from the Middle Ages to the end of the Reformation, but anything in between or detailed issues of America, I just want to sleep.
However, that's not really my problem. A question, dear reader(s)...what do you do with a melancholy mood, when you know why you feel that way, but don't know what to do about it because there is nothing you can do? What do you do when you feel bad because of someone else, but you know better because that someone else doesn't even know that you feel bad or what he/she did to make you feel that way, nor do you quite know. What do you do when you feel a little depressed for no apparant reason, and can't really explain it, because the person that you would speak to about it is the reason you are feeling that way, and it would be weird to say anything for all the reasons stated above?
Just something to think about. Sorry for the strange topic, it's just been kind of odd today.
On a lighter note, I should be updating my blog soon with exhortations for writing papers, hysterical ranting for when the writing of papers begins to get to me (especially if I lose 6 hours of work like I did last semester because the computer eats it), and with support for my fellow students who do not work as quickly as I do (you know who you are).
Hopefully, next time, I will be swimming instead of drowning in the abyss...
However, that's not really my problem. A question, dear reader(s)...what do you do with a melancholy mood, when you know why you feel that way, but don't know what to do about it because there is nothing you can do? What do you do when you feel bad because of someone else, but you know better because that someone else doesn't even know that you feel bad or what he/she did to make you feel that way, nor do you quite know. What do you do when you feel a little depressed for no apparant reason, and can't really explain it, because the person that you would speak to about it is the reason you are feeling that way, and it would be weird to say anything for all the reasons stated above?
Just something to think about. Sorry for the strange topic, it's just been kind of odd today.
On a lighter note, I should be updating my blog soon with exhortations for writing papers, hysterical ranting for when the writing of papers begins to get to me (especially if I lose 6 hours of work like I did last semester because the computer eats it), and with support for my fellow students who do not work as quickly as I do (you know who you are).
Hopefully, next time, I will be swimming instead of drowning in the abyss...
25 September 2008
Questioning McCain's Actions
This was brought to my attention earlier, but the comments are the really interesting and insightful parts of this article. Y'all should read it.
http://voices.washingtonpost.com/thefix/2008/09/wag_the_blog_a_presidential_st.html
http://voices.washingtonpost.com/thefix/2008/09/wag_the_blog_a_presidential_st.html
08 September 2008
News-worthy Events in Longview!!!!!
Um. Ho-kayyy. *Snerk*
http://www.news-journal.com/news/content/news/stories/2008/09/08/09082008_Starbucks_wedding.html?cxtype=rss&cxsvc=7&cxcat=7
Anyone else find this amusing?
http://www.news-journal.com/news/content/news/stories/2008/09/08/09082008_Starbucks_wedding.html?cxtype=rss&cxsvc=7&cxcat=7
Anyone else find this amusing?
05 September 2008
Alltel is the Worst Cell Phone Provider Ever!!!
Well, let me just say one thing about Alltel. DON'T EVER GET A CELL PHONE THROUGH THEM!!! Not only can you not share your texting minutes like they advertise, but there are often issues with dead spots where there shouldn't be dead spots, roaming (and having to pay roaming charges on a national plan-stupid) issues, and many other things that are not necessarily something you really want to have to deal with regarding your service provider.
That said, this is what happened to me. I received an email from Alltel letting me know that I could upgrade early. To a Blackberry. Cool, right? Wrong!!!
It seems that my mother is a more valued customer than I am. Which is strange since her cell phone is on MY family plan. Her name is nowhere on the account. The first line listed, the main line listed, on the account is mine. It is different in many ways from my mother's and my father's. So, at the end of the email, is a notation that the upgrade is only available for my mother's phone. When I called Alltel to see if the change could be made to my phone, I got this really difficult to understand hispanic woman (I think--she was difficult to understand!) who, when she stopped speaking from the prompter on the computer was easier to understand, suggested that my mother could come and get her own account through them, but that it still would not make a difference in what line is upgraded. So I sent an email, hoping that at least someone would see it and, basically, fix the issue:
I am not sure where this should go, but I have a question and a complaint. I received an email today that said that because I was such a good customer, I could go ahead and upgrade to a Blackberry (which is what I was planning on doing in October) instead of having to wait. However, at the bottom of the email, it said the offer was valid only for the number ending in 9823. I have a family plan that my parents are on and that number happens to be the number for my mother. She does not want the upgrade. But that is neither here nor there. She is not actually the customer. I am. I called the number it said to call on the email to ask about it, and all I was told was that my mother could come and get her own account with Alltel, because I had mentioned that my parents were going to get their own service after the contract was up, but that my phone could not be upgraded. This is the most incredibly annoying, ridiculous thing I have ever heard. My parents are planning on using their local phone service after this contract expires to get cell phones so I don't have to pay so much for them. If I can't upgrade without them still on the contract, fine. However, I was told that even though I pay the monthly payments for the service through Alltel, I could not get an upgrade until October. So what is it? If I upgrade in October, will I still have to carry the family plan that I have already, with the other two phones on it, or can I drop them without any penalties? Why can I not get an upgrade early on MY phone when I am paying for the service and not the person whose line is it is deemed valid for the upgrade and I got them at the same time, my line is the originating line, and it is under my name? Tell me why I should stick with Alltel after January, when my service contract is up, when I can't get satisfaction from anyone I speak to at Alltel and every time I ask a question that has nothing to do with me making a payment, it appears as though I am putting someone out. It's looking a lot like I will be going to AT&T when my contract is up unless there is a valid reason why these things are occurring.
Now, I know that there are issues with cell phone companies all the time. That's not the point, however. This is the reply I got--tell me if you see where they answered all my questions:
----- Original Message ----
From: "alltel@custhelp.com"
To: brandy_monts@yahoo.com
Sent: Friday, September 5, 2008 1:48:02 PM
Subject: Upgrades [Incident: 080904-000993]
Thank you for requesting assistance from our online support center. Below is a summary of your request and our response
Thank you for choosing Alltel!
Subject
Upgrades
Discussion Thread
Response (Orlicia D) 09/05/2008 01:48 PM
Dear Valued Customer,
Thank you for choosing Alltel. My name is Orlicia and I will be happy to assist you regarding upgrades. I do apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you.
Unfortunately, promotions can not be transferred between the lines on your account.
Alltel strives to appreciate our existing Customers with various promotions. Understanding that you may not have received a promotional offer at this time, certain Customers qualify for particular promotions, which can have a variety of reasons. Length of service, location, and equipment eligibility are a few of them.
Feel free to routinely check http://www.alltel.com/phones/index.html for our latest promotions.
We regret that your are now considering disconnecting your service, because of this issue.
Again, I do apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you.
Sincerely,
Orlicia
Alltel Online Customer Service
Customer (customer customer) 09/04/2008 11:25 PM
So, being upset, this was my reply:
Yeah, this is what I thought. You see, the information that you take into consideration is the same for all three phones on the account. It is obvious to me that Alltel does not really care about what their customers want or their needs. The first number listed on the account was the phone number to the phone that I have, and not the phone that is available for upgrade. It's not inconvenient, but it is annoying and honestly, annoyance is not something that I or any of your other customers need in their lives. The person who uses the phone is not your customer. The customer is the person who pays for the account. That happens to be me, not the user of the specific phone. The line that an upgrade should have been available for is the phone of the person who pays the account--or all three lines, since we are supposed to be able to "share." Unfortunately, I have come to find out that Alltel shares very little except annoyances, and therefore, although I won't be canceling my service because I would get screwed by Alltel in this way, I will be changing my service to AT&T in January when the service contract runs out. Thanks for nothing.
Very Much Sincerely,
Brandy Monts
http://wickedlywanton.blogspot.com/
I have decided to get an iPhone.
That said, this is what happened to me. I received an email from Alltel letting me know that I could upgrade early. To a Blackberry. Cool, right? Wrong!!!
It seems that my mother is a more valued customer than I am. Which is strange since her cell phone is on MY family plan. Her name is nowhere on the account. The first line listed, the main line listed, on the account is mine. It is different in many ways from my mother's and my father's. So, at the end of the email, is a notation that the upgrade is only available for my mother's phone. When I called Alltel to see if the change could be made to my phone, I got this really difficult to understand hispanic woman (I think--she was difficult to understand!) who, when she stopped speaking from the prompter on the computer was easier to understand, suggested that my mother could come and get her own account through them, but that it still would not make a difference in what line is upgraded. So I sent an email, hoping that at least someone would see it and, basically, fix the issue:
I am not sure where this should go, but I have a question and a complaint. I received an email today that said that because I was such a good customer, I could go ahead and upgrade to a Blackberry (which is what I was planning on doing in October) instead of having to wait. However, at the bottom of the email, it said the offer was valid only for the number ending in 9823. I have a family plan that my parents are on and that number happens to be the number for my mother. She does not want the upgrade. But that is neither here nor there. She is not actually the customer. I am. I called the number it said to call on the email to ask about it, and all I was told was that my mother could come and get her own account with Alltel, because I had mentioned that my parents were going to get their own service after the contract was up, but that my phone could not be upgraded. This is the most incredibly annoying, ridiculous thing I have ever heard. My parents are planning on using their local phone service after this contract expires to get cell phones so I don't have to pay so much for them. If I can't upgrade without them still on the contract, fine. However, I was told that even though I pay the monthly payments for the service through Alltel, I could not get an upgrade until October. So what is it? If I upgrade in October, will I still have to carry the family plan that I have already, with the other two phones on it, or can I drop them without any penalties? Why can I not get an upgrade early on MY phone when I am paying for the service and not the person whose line is it is deemed valid for the upgrade and I got them at the same time, my line is the originating line, and it is under my name? Tell me why I should stick with Alltel after January, when my service contract is up, when I can't get satisfaction from anyone I speak to at Alltel and every time I ask a question that has nothing to do with me making a payment, it appears as though I am putting someone out. It's looking a lot like I will be going to AT&T when my contract is up unless there is a valid reason why these things are occurring.
Now, I know that there are issues with cell phone companies all the time. That's not the point, however. This is the reply I got--tell me if you see where they answered all my questions:
----- Original Message ----
From: "alltel@custhelp.com"
To: brandy_monts@yahoo.com
Sent: Friday, September 5, 2008 1:48:02 PM
Subject: Upgrades [Incident: 080904-000993]
Thank you for requesting assistance from our online support center. Below is a summary of your request and our response
Thank you for choosing Alltel!
Subject
Upgrades
Discussion Thread
Response (Orlicia D) 09/05/2008 01:48 PM
Dear Valued Customer,
Thank you for choosing Alltel. My name is Orlicia and I will be happy to assist you regarding upgrades. I do apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you.
Unfortunately, promotions can not be transferred between the lines on your account.
Alltel strives to appreciate our existing Customers with various promotions. Understanding that you may not have received a promotional offer at this time, certain Customers qualify for particular promotions, which can have a variety of reasons. Length of service, location, and equipment eligibility are a few of them.
Feel free to routinely check http://www.alltel.com/phones/index.html for our latest promotions.
We regret that your are now considering disconnecting your service, because of this issue.
Again, I do apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you.
Sincerely,
Orlicia
Alltel Online Customer Service
Customer (customer customer) 09/04/2008 11:25 PM
So, being upset, this was my reply:
Yeah, this is what I thought. You see, the information that you take into consideration is the same for all three phones on the account. It is obvious to me that Alltel does not really care about what their customers want or their needs. The first number listed on the account was the phone number to the phone that I have, and not the phone that is available for upgrade. It's not inconvenient, but it is annoying and honestly, annoyance is not something that I or any of your other customers need in their lives. The person who uses the phone is not your customer. The customer is the person who pays for the account. That happens to be me, not the user of the specific phone. The line that an upgrade should have been available for is the phone of the person who pays the account--or all three lines, since we are supposed to be able to "share." Unfortunately, I have come to find out that Alltel shares very little except annoyances, and therefore, although I won't be canceling my service because I would get screwed by Alltel in this way, I will be changing my service to AT&T in January when the service contract runs out. Thanks for nothing.
Very Much Sincerely,
Brandy Monts
http://wickedlywanton.blogspot.com/
I have decided to get an iPhone.
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